I've been very convicted about my own utter selfishness lately. I'm too quick to share my complaints or daily difficulties. I'm less quick to ask about the struggles of others or to be prayerful on their behalf. I'm quick to plan things that I want to do, when I want to do them, as it is most convenient for me. I'm slower to consider the needs of others and the desires they may have to maintain their own plans as well. It all showed up yesterday in the simplest scenario.
I'd been invited to a play out of town with a friend.
She wanted us to go together as we don't see each other as often as either of us would like.
She realized she had obligations and couldn't attend the show I wanted to go to.
I didn't want to drive alone, or drive in the dark, or be away from Matt overnight... all things about "me" which made the other show times seem "impossible" from my perspective.
So I asked another friend to attend the ideal show time with me.
We enjoyed the play and began driving home in a rush...
because I had other previously made plans with other friends and Matt last night.
In our rush, I totally forgot that I'd mentioned to my first friend that maybe I could stop by and say hello when the play ended, since I was after all going to be in her new town.
So about 45 minutes into our drive home, she called and asked if I was stopping by as she'd been waiting to go to the grocery store in case I wanted to say hello as I'd mentioned.
Needless to say, because of time changes and a longer play I also didn't make it home in time to keep our plans with other friends - so those were canceled too.
In the end, I upset (and rightly so) my husband, a dear friend, and two other close friends all because I demanded to have things (and petty things at that) MY way. That's a terrible feeling which upset me greatly last night, as I cried and asked the Lord for His forgiveness.
So then God's self-sacrifice comes to mind as He displayed in Christ the most selfless act of dying on behalf of sinners who would lead selfish lives as I have been doing. I deserve at this time, and at all times, His wrath and condemnation and death. However, the Gospel has changed that, for God's great glory to be seen. And how thankful I am for this God who cares to know me, and made a way to do so. I clearly am undeserving as my faults are before my eyes and within my heart every day. He however reassures me that "For our sake he made him to be sinB)"> who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Corinthians 5:21) Each day I desire His righteousness to over take my sin more and more, that I might see evidences of grace in the fruit He bears in my life. May it always be so.