I've struggled recently to balance in my mind the tasks and things to be done with resting and enjoying our home with my husband. I can become very task oriented as I desire to get things done, without ever realizing that I'm ruining my day in the hustle of it all. Beyond that I'm keeping myself busy with things I've decided to do, not really things that affect our lives in big ways at all, and definitely not things that Matt would prioritize either. Its been exhausting, and its not been good for me or good for us. It has come from a hard that is not trusting in the Lord either. Rather than trust Him to mold me into the wife and woman He desires me to be, I've been busying myself doing things that I think will make me a good wife and woman. Its been quite backwards. I can't do it myself, only the Lord can work in me by His Holy Spirit to create in me the character that is pleasing to Him. While keeping my home is part of His desire for me, there are many other lifetime traits that matter in a different sense... am I patient? gentle? Am I trusting Him more than I am myself? As I read Proverbs 31 today I saw great character traits that this "excellent wife" possessed. In the past, I've often read that chapter and considered the things I should DO as a result of her example, today I realized that while this woman seems like she must have been quite busy... she possessed Godly character.
vs. 11: she was trustworthy
vs. 12: she did good to her husband
vs. 13: she served "with willing hands" joyfully not out of a heart of duty
vs. 15: she was diligent
vs. 16: she was thoughtful
vs. 17: she was strong, probably physically a little bit, but I was thinking strong in spirit
vs. 20: she was generous
vs. 25: she was again strong, but also exhibited dignity
vs. 26: she was wise and kind
vs. 30: she feared the Lord
Finally I was reading a Puritan prayer for the end of the year... I found it especially true:
O Love beyond compare,
Thou art good when thou givest, when thou takest away, when the sun shines upon me, when night gathers over me.
Thou hast loved me before the foundation of the world, and in love didst redeem my soul;
Thou dost love me still, in spite of my hard heart, ingratitude, distrust.
Thy goodness has been with me during another year, leading me through a twisting wilderness, in retreat helping me to advance, when beaten back making sure headway.
Thy goodness will be with me in the year ahead;
I hoist sail and draw up anchor,
With thee as the blessed pilot of my future as of my past.
I bless thee that thou hast veiled my eyes to the waters ahead.
If thou hast appointed storms of tribulation, though wilt be with me in them;
If I have to pass through tempests of persecution and temptation, I shall not drown;
If I am to die, I shall see thy face the sooner;
If a painful end is to be my lot, grant me the grace that my faith fail not;
If I am to be cast aside from the service I love, I can make no stipulation;
Only glorify thyself in me whether in comfort or trial, as a chosen vessel meet always for thy use.